Clearing Webs

Big Families

This video Karen shared is too wonderful. Check it out.

Carrying On

Andy stayed home from work last week so I got to rest well. This week he's back to work half days. He leaves around noon, taking the older two boys to my dear friend Chelsea's house on the way and picking them up on the way home. That leaves me w/just Phin and Atticus, both of whom sleep most of the time Andy's gone. Oh, praise the Lord for awesome friends! I'm not physically ready for all four boys quite yet. Emotionally, I'm ready to be fully back on my feet doing daily stuff, but my body keeps telling me not yet. I'm a little concerned I did something to my back, bruised it in the least. I'll have to get that checked out. . . So here are some pics to tide you over for a bit.

This is one of my midwives, Paula, at our house for a check up. She was the one who actually delivered Atticus.

This is Chelsea. You can call her Saint Chelsea if you want. She has a 3-yr old and 1 1/2-yr old of her own and is watching my 5- and 3- yr olds!

This is Amy, our regular babysitter. She was in charge of Gid at the birth and was in there for it. She helped make it the perfect experience for Gid; I'm so grateful for her. She stayed at our house with us several days after Att was born and helped tremendously with the boys. I'll probably have her stay a few days when I'm first all alone w/the four boys after Andy's back to work and no relatives are here to help. Amy with Atticus

Amy with Gideon during labor.

Uncle Zach and Aunt Dani adoring Atticus.

Ike adoring Atticus.

We bought disposable cameras for the boys to take pics of Atticus when he came home. It's worked out great. I can't wait to get them developed.

The boys have been spending a whole lot of time with Andy this last week. He's such an awesome dad.

Atticus was 8lb at birth. This was exactly the same amount as Phineas. And, incidentally, Gid was 6lb 8.8oz and Ike was 6lb 9.9oz. I think it's a little cool our first two weighed almost exactly the same and our last two weighed exactly the same. At 24 hours old Atticus had done the standard drop and was down to 7lb 11oz. By six days old, however, he was back on the upside at 8lb 5oz. He's gonna be another big-cheeked chubber! That's a Perkins boy through and through.

This is an outfit I bought for Gid when he was about four weeks old and it was too big for him. We were out shopping and he pooped through the two outfits I'd brought so I had to buy him something new.

Atticus Grey Perkins - Birth Story and Contest

So first the name. Two different literary references. Atticus is easy and if you don't know the book and character you should feel deeply ashamed, Google it as quickly as you can and go read the book! Grey is the harder literary reference though it's from a well-known character these days. Grey is after this character and also in honor of my Dad - this perhaps being a hint to my family members. If we've already told you where Grey came from, don't cheat! For the rest of you, if you're the first to guess correctly on the character we'll send you a copy of the cheesy movie version of the book that's so precious in my childhood memories thanks to my Dad.

Atticus was born at 11:34 Sunday night, the 20th. He was 8 lbs and 20 inches, a water birth which I was very grateful for with back labor. It went really well and at a good quick pace. Contractions were about twenty to thirty minutes apart all morning. We went to church and out to Cracker Barrel for lunch. By the end of lunch things were about ten minutes apart but I wasn't sure this was "it". We went home, got the boys napping and took a long walk which got us to about six minutes consistently. By about five they were four to six minutes apart but I wasn't fully convinced b/c I was still handling them easily, talking through them and still in a pretty good state. Around seven there was a little stress about our kid watchers being able to be there through the night. So I started crying and Andy said we should go on to the midwives. I still wasn't too sure, but went w/Andy's decision and of course he was right. Things slowed down as we got settled into the beautiful new birthing center around 8 or 8:30 but soon picked back up again. My friends Chelsea and Danielle were there along w/Gideon and our most frequent babysitter Amy. We all took a walk around the block with Danielle and Andy getting on all fours for me to lean over during contractions while Chelsea put pressure on my back. Amy and Gid skipped and ran up and down the sidewalks together. She was so perfect with him. He got to experience everything, have an awesome time w/Amy and we felt zero worry about him being well taken care of. We were contracting by one house & this man came out apparently pretty upset, wanting to know what was going on. They told him we were in labor & would be moving on soon. The man said, "Good. The hospital's right there," pointing towards the nearby hospital (where we weren't birthing precisely b/c we wouldn't have been allowed labor speeding and calming options like taking a walk around the neighborhood). I think he was the only real downer in our awesome birth experience. By the time we were back to the birth center things were getting more serious, taking lots of concentration and 2 to 3 minutes apart consistently. We ran the water and I got in the tub. At this point I had a couple panic attacks, feeling very scared about the pain I knew was coming. God was so good and gave me peace and the ability to handle that. Andy and the others were just so awesome, too. We got to be the first to birth in our midwives' new center which was really cool, but it also meant helping them work out the kinks. They were on a temporary water heater cause of red tape stuff w/their permanent one so we could only get the tub halfway full with warm water. Megan, one of the midwives went back and forth, back and forth heating water in the kitchen and putting it in the tub. It would have been nice to have had it more easily filled but God just kept making me so grateful for everything so many people were doing for us and for how extremely mega-blessed we are.

Transition hit pretty soon and I was so grateful for the water cause my back was hurting horribly. I was very vocal this time, making lots of low-pitched "ooh" sounds throughout transition. It's amazing how it helped ease the pain. Studies show the link b/twn making these noises and the better relaxation of the cervix. It's cool that God had me react instinctively in a way He knew would ease my pain and speed the process. I think the worst part of transition was leaning out over the tub throwing up during a contraction while I was having pinched nerve pains shooting down my right leg. Excruciating. There's nothing like labor to make you depend solely on God. Andy got in the tub w/me (don't worry folks - he wore his bathing suit) and was the most wonderful support and strength in the whole world. (When the midwife came to our house today to check on us she told me we're the best labor team ever, that we worked so well together.) My nerve kept getting pinched during contractions, they were very close together w/multiple peaks and the back labor was bad but God kept reminding me it wouldn't go on forever and as all I could do was cry out to Him He gave me such good peace. Andy was holding me & helping the midwives know what would help me best and Chelsea & Dani held my hands, stroked my head & took pictures. I was so loved and well supported. Gid handled my pain very well. It was comforting to hear his feet pitter patter back and forth every now and then. I couldn't hear it at the time but my friends say when things started getting rough he was squealing, clapping & jumping. We've had lots of talks over the last few weeks that the more pain Mommy's in the closer we are to seeing our new baby. Apparently it worked for him. He handled my pain okay but when I pulled out the sh- word he ran out of the room. Amy followed and he told her "I don't think we should stay in there while Mommy is using those words." My mom is so proud.

I thought I started to feel the urge to push so I had the midwife check me b/c I didn't want to push too early and swell my cervix. She said I was about nine cm and was good to push if I felt the need. I tried not to but found myself instinctively grunting and when I pushed it felt so much better. Those low-pitched "ooh"s turned into some major noises and I couldn't deny it was time to push. Well, I was right cause I gave my first major conscious push and my urges were confirmed with Atticus crowning! Holy cow. That's some major pain. Of course my urge was to push more and harder and get him out to end the pain but it's best to stop pushing so you won't tear at this point so my midwives (who were awesome) urged me to stop. That seemed rather impossible and at this point the outside world was barely registering. Midwife Megan got gently in my face, making eye contact and kept telling me, "Don't push. Relax. Breathe your baby out. Just breathe your baby out." It was perfect, the exact focus I needed. So I lay there on my side in Andy's arms staring at Megan w/crazy fierce intensity and breathed for all I was stinkin' worth and Atticus' head finally came out. Midwife Paula said to give her one more push to get him out. I was spent. At that point I was just calmly like, "I can't. Pull him out. Just pull him out." Silly birthing girl. Paula asked again and I realized I really ought to push so one more really good push got him out and those of you who have given birth naturally understand the unspeakable joy and immediate relief of suddenly having all that work & pain gone and that baby in your arms. Good stuff. He was beautiful but we did have a scare cause he wasn't breathing and his heart rate went down but we rubbed him really well and let him breathe some oxygen and he was soon doing really excellent w/well-cleared lungs. They moved me to the bed to deliver the placenta while Andy sat in a tub of bloody water. We forgot to pack him an extra shirt so Dani went later & got him a new one from the gas station. It's plain black and I want to make it say, "I soaked in a tub of my wife's blood and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."

We stayed at the birth center and came home a little after noon the next day. I didn't tear at all and am feeling fabulous, considering. That's to say I feel like I've been run over by a truck and beaten in the lower back and tailbone from the inside, but I'm able to get around well and feel like I'm going to heal up and restrengthen quickly. Andy's taken off work all week and our babysitter Amy is staying with us indefinitely this week. Our house is well set up for letting me rest upstairs while the boys still have plenty of indoor room to play freely w/out disturbing. The older boys are smitten w/Atticus. So far he's been very easy, eating well and sleeping so long I have to wake him after four or five hours to feed him. I pray he stays this easy.

It's a. . .

Boy! Our stats had us 55% boy, 45% girl. There you have it. Atticus Perkins was born at 11:34 last night. We haven't settled on a middle name yet. We'll let you know. 8 lbs even and 20 inches. Everything went really well. We're home from the midwives and the other boys are in love with Atticus already. Andy'll be posting pictures soon. I'll tell you the short sweet story after some good rest.

10 minutes apart. . .

I've been having contractions @ ten minutes apart for several hours now. They're not too strong, but strong enough to make me take them seriously. I'm either going to take a nap or a walk now. Don't call us, we'll call you. . .

Stats That Tell Us Very Little Than We Knew Before

The first stats that will tell us nothing are the results of the new poll to the right. Take it soon if you want to weigh in before Baby gets here!

Next useless stats: I had estimated myself to be walking around at about three to three and a half centimeters. So I had the midwife check me yesterday simply to satisfy my curiosity and see how close I was. I'm fifty percent effaced and 4cm. So, now we know. I'm a little proud at my close estimate. I'm feeling like being almost halfway there before labor even really kicks in is a good sign this will be a quick one. I hope so cause I've been getting very little sleep. Last night per the midwife's suggestion I had some wine and that helped - I only woke about three times which is a vast improvement. We'll let you know when our newest little Perkins makes his appearance (his/her - I know, I know). And, on that note, remember to weigh in on the gender poll to the right!

How Can I Not Feel Blessed?

Here I am at 39 weeks with labor signs increasing along w/contractions, though they won't get themselves consistent right now. As I've said before I'm savoring this pregnancy and marveling at the miracle despite a lot of tiring inconveniences. On the one hand I'm excited to finally see and hold this new baby, to start this new chapter in our family life but on the other hand I often find myself wondering if this is the last time I'll be experiencing this and trying to revel in the wonder of it.


38 weeks.

All my freaky little blessings:

Andy is indescribably wonderful.

Gid chose chocolate milk over ice cream on our walk to the corner store recently. He loves that stuff.

Gid's a big toilet reader. My favorite part of this pic is that he's reading about labor and delivery here. He's so excited about getting to be at the upcoming birth!

Here Ike's sporting what the boys call "googles". I refuse to correct them b/c it's so wonderful to me.

Here's how Isaac rides lately. I can't help but think it's influenced by our neighbor's recent purchase of a Harley.

You never know how you're going to find Isaac when he's sleeping.

This is one of those pictures that just captures Phin's personality. I've found someone to help me dread his hair we've just got to coordinate a time now.

Poor Phineas naps in the school room which gets pretty stinkin' hot in the middle of the day. He knows how to work it, though, and even sometimes asks for the "coo womb" at nap time.

*Editors note: It must be said that while Arlo is increasingly the best dog possible and the sweetest, best blessing ever to our entire family there will be no recent pictures of him in this entry b/c he's sporting his summer haircut which at this point makes him embarrassingly resemble a poodle.

I was violated by an arachnid

A couple weeks ago I went to lay down for a nap and there was a spider crawling across my pillow. I flicked it off and tried not to be wigged out each night thereafter. So a couple days ago I awoke from a nap to feel something crawling across/out of my ear and onto my right cheek. I did the instinctive flick off, saw the spider and immediately squished it in, I'm not gonna lie, a slightly panicked knee-jerk reaction. The next day I developed a swollen sore spot right on the edge of the in/outside of that ear. I've identified the spider which is harmless but it's reawakened in me all the physical fear reactions that arose after I was bit by a brown recluse about ten years ago. I mean, looking at pics of spiders on the web to i.d. this one my heart started beating faster, my chest got tight, I had trouble breathing. Ew. It's just not me. I'm the girl who always caught the bugs and wanted to keep spiders as pets. And here I am now completely wigged out just looking at pictures of the harmless little guys. And from what I understand the jumping spider species (which this was) is a rather friendly, inquisitive group of little guys.

Behold phidippus workmani, explorer of my ear.

Night Talk

Andy yields some great stuff in his sleep, though often it's equations and material analysis. Last night I came back to bed after a(nother) potty trip and made some comment as I crawled in. Andy exploded w/unintelligible excited language then, "Well, next time we'll use an English muffin b/c it's a lot faster than this:" and gave a good swivel to his hips. Not a thrust. It was graceful and elegant, a one-two move from the cha-cha, as though he'd been practicing his ballroom dancing secretly in his sleep. Wonderful.

On transparency, being served and growing within community

Andy and the boys are camping in the back yard, s'mores and all.

I was so blessed today by this woman I hardly know. She's a masseuse recommended by my midwives w/awesome rates, beating anything I've heard of even coming to your home! She came here today while my boys napped and gave me a massage in my bedroom. While in there we discussed the large pile of clothes that has been haunting me forEVER now. I do the laundry and carry it to the couch downstairs, too daunted to carry it upstairs. Then Andy carries my stuff upstairs for me but isn't quite sure where everything goes so he piles it on my dresser. It piled there is somehow mentally too much for me and it's been accumulating this way for months now. So after the massage this lady tells me to lay down and rest while the boys are still asleep and she folded every last one of those clothes! Then she so lovingly said I didn't need all these clothes, that I should get rid of some. Somehow folded and in stacks the clothes weren't intimidating at all, so I sorted through them, getting rid of a bunch. Then I went through all the clothes in my drawers, making a yard sale pile, put everything away and - bam! The large pile looming in my bedroom is gone.

The thing is, it was incredibly embarrassing just to let her see the pile to begin with, much less admit the whole problem. Then, to actually let this woman fold my clothes that I've been such an idiot about for so long that it's become a monster - I felt small. But I need help. I'm a nine month pregnant woman w/three small boys and persistent back problems living 3000 miles away from all my family and most of my closest friends. As I lay there I thought about how so many people think it's irresponsible to have "a lot" of kids and felt that familiar wave of guilt. I mean look at me. I can't even put away stinking clean laundry much less keep the urine smell out of my bathroom. Am I irresponsible? Then God's still, quiet voice spoke. Pride, Lynn. Pride. No, I'm not a good housekeeper. But I honestly work at it and I'm getting better and better all the time. And the truth is I have to be willing to bare my weaknesses and humble myself to be helped and taught. God created us to be dependent on others. He is Community. The woman who tries to be a good mother w/only the help of her husband is asking for failure. She simply won't grow like the woman who will become transparent, make weaknesses known and being willing to not only be helped temporally but taught and advised as well. Having these kids has humbled me so much. God's chiseling away at me. Having the first two in 18 months was work, but God needed to give me the extremely tough Phin pregnancy followed immediately by our 3000 mile move to get me to the place where I willingly say, "Yes, I'm a failure here. Can you help me? Can you teach me?" Ouch. But man, that clean spot on my bedroom dresser sure feels good!

Five Naked Boys

We have a play date once a week w/three friends, me and all our chilluns. That makes for four women, one one-year old girl and eight boys. The oldest is Gideon at five years. Good times. Here's my favorite pic from all our dates. They'd been playing in the sprinkler in the back yard in all their young glory and seeing as how the one girl seems too young to yet be scarred, we allowed them to enjoy their nakedness. One friend was out of town and one boy was chowing on grapes, so we only had five of the boys, but oh, how I love wee little nakie bums!